its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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