I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
