I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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