Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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