OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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