I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
