I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
