just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
