I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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