i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
