Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
