I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
