I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
