at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
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