Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
