i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
