wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
