I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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