You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
