she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
