Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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