Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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