perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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