so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
