Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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