is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
