ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
