Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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