i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
