I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
