I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
