we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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