We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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