Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you made out with another girl for some wings
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
