i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
