Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
