btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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