Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
