We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
