I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
