I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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