if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I need to stop coming to work sober
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
