god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
