if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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