He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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