btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
