So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
