one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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