Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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