somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
