We won't sleep together?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
