I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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