Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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